Flip A Coin

Have you ever been called two faced? Like you have two completely different personalities?

It's a common phrase that everyone uses at some point. It can depend on how you take the comment though. Everyone has their sides of different personalities. Everyone is nice and mean from time to time. But that is different from the two faced I think of.

Sometimes it feels like there are two people inside me. There's one person who believes that in life, some good things are there waiting for me to find them. While the other, expects the worst when I wake up in the morning and has begun to plan my demise. Each part of me fights for control over me, well t feels like anyway. Each wants to run my thoughts and actions, based upon their beliefs and perspectives on life.

The nice side of me is a happy, cheerful girl, one who can't wait to get up in the morning and seize the day. She looks for something great to find in any situation and wants to enjoy each day and live long and strong. Each happy thing stands out and has the expectancy of something exciting and fun waiting there for her.

The meaner, sadder side of me is an upset, depressed psycho path who waits for the worst to happen everyday. Waits and expects for something bad to happen and brings into question some unfortunate things that any normal person shouldn't think of. Also, slowly planning certain things to make sure that if the worst should happen in any case, that she will be ready to go.

These two people are hard to get along with. But it' weird since they're both me. But on thought triumphs another to he point where I'm confused on what to think. It feels like two people are fighting in my head. But what can I do? I don't know whose right or who has the right perspective. I don't know if tomorrow will be happy or sad. What am I supposed to do? Who do I let control me? Who knows what's best for me and my future? Who do I choose?

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At this point I'm not sure. I wish I could switch them off or find a way to make it stop. For now, I'm just me I guess. But I do know that one person inside fights stronger then the other. And she ain't one who's ready to deal with losing.